Paranoia/guilt still a problem

I can't believe that as old as I am, I still am subject to concerns of paranoia when I am not the nicest person.  I was booked to be a CEO on The Blacklist for Monday.  A promotion from being a hospital visitor the last time I was on it!  On Sunday Bob and I were grocery shopping at our food coop and it was a mad house there. Jam packed and the check out lines went on forever.  I decided to call in for my wardrobe, call in time, and location since we had a wait ahead of us to check out.  I was already feeling tired and cranky from maneuvering through the tight crowds while shopping.  To get wardrobe, location and call time, I have to listen through an interminably long message (like 15 mins--no kidding) to get the few bits that relate to what is meaningful for me. Usually the info is organized by the numbers Extras are assigned so you know exactly what to listen for.  Turns out the casting person who recorded the message for Monday's The Blacklist info was so repetitive, did not use the usual number system, and made so many extraneous remarks. I found it confusing and frustrating.  I then called the number given for "emergencies" or if in need of other info.  I called in, couldn't really hear well because of being in the coop, and was cranky and frustrated. I was a bit whiney and complaining on the phone with the person I was speaking with as to how bad the info was organized and that I needed clarification as to my role was and what wardrobe I needed to bring.  He made some curt comment about how everyone has their own method for leaving the info and I just had to deal with it, he told me what I needed to listen for (which I had to ask for twice--which didn't help his mood or mine). By the end of our phone call, it felt like a bad exchange.  About 9 in the evening,  I got a phone call from the casting agency saying the scene for which I was supposed to be background was cut and they didn't need me anymore.  I just felt so paranoid after that phone call that I was being cut because of my "bad" phone behavior.  I know logically that could not be the case but that Catholic guilt still runs deep.  It's so crazy making.  I did get booked today by the same casting agency for work tomorrow on a CBS pilot, DOUBT.  That was very reassuring but all the same, I wish I wasn't so prone to feeling so guilty about such minor transgressions.  I can hold on to that guilt for way too long.  It comes with being so rule bound.  I love structure and rules which has worked really well for me except when I feel like I've broken them then the guilt just makes itself at home in my head.